4 Days of Detox Hell in Paradise

Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to put myself through over the next several days.  I’d always been interested in doing a detox cleanse – clean out my digestive system and pump it full of healthy stuff. It’s so important to take care of our bodies and be aware that what we put in our bodies has an effect. Over time unhealthy toxins begin to build up in our digestive system and a cleanse is an efficient way to get rid of all that crap.

Detox retreats tend to be very expensive but in a less expensive country, like Thailand, I could do it on the cheap. And I mean cheap! I found a place on the island of Koh Phangan that would only run me about $500USD for 8 days (accommodation included).

When I arrived at Ananda Resort, I was taken to my room which was a cute bungalow with a hammock on the porch.

If only the outside could have matched the inside. I opened the door to find a bed with stained “Hello Kitty looking” sheets, ripped curtains that were strung with fishing line, and a single beige sheet to sleep under with holes in it. I went to wash my hands but found no soap. When I asked for soap, I was told I would need to go to the store and buy some. Seriously? Even in prison they get soap! (Not that I know from personal experience.)

Now I wasn’t expecting the Ritz but this was pretty bad. I figured that’s what you get when you go cheap and decided not to be a brat about it and go with the flow.

Wellist Travel Tip: You can’t expect everything to work out perfectly as planned. Sometimes you just need to say screw it and go with the flow. This applies not just to travel but life in general.

I sat down with Villy, the program director, to go over the schedule for the week. Here is what I had in-store for the next week:

She informed me that I’d feel very weak and tired and would not have a lot of energy to do anything. And to boot, couldn’t exactly go anywhere because every hour I would have to either drink or ingest something. It looked as if there was a significant amount of pool time in my future for the next week and some serious catching up time on all the books that had piled up on my to-read list. I went back to my room and downloaded countless books on my Kindle as I prepared for seven days of lounging around the resort. I’d later learn that sunbathing was not an option because the sun would take too much energy out of me. I secretly hoped it would rain the whole time and the sun wouldn’t be taunting me to come take advantage.

Day one was fine up until 10:45am rolled around I was given a briefing of how to do a self-administered colonic. It also didn’t help that the room looked like a torture chamber. There was a board with a hole at the bottom that emptied into a toilet below, a very large bucket of diluted coffee at body temperature sitting high on a shelf with a tube coming out of it and into the board, and at the bottom of the tube was a plastic pipe. I was told to lie down on the board, stick the plastic pipe up my rectum and then release the water via a clamp. She told me to try and hold the water for as long as I could. I had no idea this is what was in-store for me. And twice a day? You’ve got to be joking. An hour later, I finished, and emerged from the room completely traumatized. This is not fun! I needed to switch to the 3 ½ day program.

There was no way that I could do this twice a day for seven days. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to detox for seven days but more so the idea that I’d be stuck at the same place the entire time, unable to explore my amazing surroundings.

I didn’t have any side effects, other than being completely traumatized by the colonics, until day 3 where I could barely move and spent most of the day in my “lovely” room. I had chills, nausea, headaches and zero energy. It was downright awful. The day seemed to drag on forever with the final day nowhere in sight.

When my last day finally rolled around, I woke up feeling much better than the previous day. I even had some energy back. I finished my final colonic, took a probiotic drink and then injected a bunch of probiotics up my rectum which already was feeling very violated. The first meal couldn’t come soon enough. I had never been so happy to see watermelon in my life. Even though I was supposed to eat slow, I couldn’t help but gobble up the entire plate rather quickly. My energy began to fully restore. It was finally over and I have to admit that I felt proud of myself for having survived those days of hell.

In 3 ½ days of fasting, I had put my body through the ringer. If I had known what I would have gone through, I probably wouldn’t have done it but I’m happy that I did. I dropped 7.5 lbs and I feel fab!

I highly suggest doing a detox cleanse. We all should. Just maybe not in paradise when your desire to explore overcomes your desire to detox.

Find It
Ananda Resort
16/3 Moo 6, Koh Phangan, Surat thani 84280, Thailand
www.anandaresort.com